Synopsis: A cannibal opens up a seafood restaurant, and kills and cooks people to serve to his customers. Would it have been easier to open up a burger joint? Maybe, but then we wouldn’t have this classic.
Tagline: “He has good reason to keep his sauces secret!!”
Synopsis: A homicidal turkey axes off college kids during Thanksgiving break. But who HASN’T felt a little murdery around the holidays?
Tagline: “Gobble, gobble, MOTHERF#%@ER!”
Synopsis: Santa Claus is actually a demon who lost a bet with an angel, so he becomes the giver of toys and happiness. But when the bet is off, he returns to his evil ways. And we’ve been letting this dude in our homes for how many years?
Tagline: “He’s making a list…pray you’re not on it.”
Synopsis: An evil yet adorable gingerbread man comes to life with the soul of a convicted killer. This real life cookie monster wreaks havoc on the girl who sent the killer to the electric chair. The scariest part is the Gingerdead man is played by Gary Busey.
Tagline: “Evil never tasted so good!”
Synopsis: Eight teenagers are trapped after hours in a high tech shopping mall and pursued by three murderous security robots out of control. So basically it’s a more accurate Mall Rats.
Tagline: “…Half off is just the beginning!”
Synopsis: A group of hot college girls decide to raise money and pulses by donning bikinis for a car wash, but a maniac chef is prowling about to get a cut of the action. Zomg, I bet there’s boobz.
Tagline: No tagline provided, but I bet it would contain the word “slippery.”
Synopsis:: Thrill-seekers go to a graveyard on a remote island to perform a necromantic ritual. The ritual works and soon the dead are walking about and chowing down on human flesh. The sequel is called Wait, We Meant To Say No One Should Play With Dead Things. Our Bad.
Tagline: “It’ll be a scream…yours!!”
Synopsis: A group of dorm residents order an old giant bong that proves to have strange magical powers. When smoked, said bong sends a person to a bizarre drugged-out alternate realm from which there is no easy escape. Obviously Tommy Chong makes a cameo.
Tagline: “Dude, it’s one scary trip!”
Synopsis: A private eye is tracking down a girl on the runaway. In his travels, he comes across a gang of chainsaw wielding prostitutes that like to carve people up for their cult. Just when you thought visiting a prostitute was a good idea…
Tagline: “They charge an arm and a leg!”
Synopsis: A group of friends celebrate a birthday in the reputedly haunted Burkitt Manor. The evil within the house has awoken and brings along some uninvited guests. But, I mean, what do you expect when partying in a frickin’ haunted mansion?
Tagline: “You’re invited!”
Synopsis: Aliens who look like clowns come from outer space and terrorize a small town. But let’s be honest, clowns from earth are just as scary.
Tagline: “In space no one can eat ice cream.”
Synopsis: A serial killer mutates with a chemical inside a sewer to become a monster made of human waste. I’m sure there’s some underlying social commentary here, but really all I can think is “ew.”
Tagline: “Don’t get caught with your pants down!”
Synopsis: When the American Chicken Bunker, a military-themed fried-chicken chain, builds a restaurant on the site of an ancient Indian burial ground, local protesters aren’t the only ones crying fowl! This film won the Oscar for best pun in the history of puns.
Tagline: “Humans… the other white meat… Unless you’re black, then it’s dark meat… Or if you are Asian, then it’s yellow meat… Or if you are Native American, it’s red meat…”
Synopsis: Madmen preserve Hitler’s brain on a small tropical island until the time is right to resurrect him and, along with him, the Third Reich. Something tells me people did Nazi that coming!
Tagline: “The most incredible plot to conquer the world!”
Synopsis: Things go drastically wrong for a group of British holidaymakers in Spain. But really is there anything more wrong than naming a film Donkey Punch?
Tagline: “This party has gone overboard.”
Synopsis: A medical student sets out to recreate his decapitated fiancée by building her a new body made of Manhattan street hookers. Now that’s a recycling program the DEP could really get behind.
Tagline: “A terrifying tale of sluts and bolts.
Synopsis: A Desert Storm vet who was killed in combat rises from the grave on July Fourth to kill the unpatriotic citizens of his hometown after some teens burn an American flag over his burial site. ‘Murica! Freedom! Zombies! What more could you want in a film?
Tagline: “It’s time to serve your country…”
Synopsis: A college professor lures his student to New York’s Hotel Quickie, where he helps himself to one of the free condoms provided by the management. However, the prophylactic in question has sprouted teeth and has a taste for blood, and before long, the prof is suddenly missing a penis. Remember kids, safe sex is not always safe. Wait, what?
Tagline: “The rubber that rubs you out!”
Synopsis: A bed possessed by a demon spirit consumes its users alive. I wish I could blame a demon for my inability to get out of bed.
Tagline: “The bed is waiting…”