If you haven’t heard of it, I don’t recommend Googling it—it’ll take you to a place that is dangerous for different reasons.
Can you imagine how awesome the election for President of the Amazon would be? Jaguars running against monkeys and shit? And you thought American politics were cut-throat.
They make drag queens look like they’re going to church on Easter Sunday.
That’s the steely-eyed stare of a cat whose done some thangs he’s not proud of.
And then it swallows your corpse in one bite, which is as scary as it is RUDE. At least chew my corpse.
This flesh-hungry croc is basically just a dinosaur that never got the extinction memo.
This monkey-fish has been known to leap out of the water and take down small birds, because fuck you, he’s hungry.
The most deadly of the dart frogs is the Golden Poison Frog, which secretes enough poison to stop the hearts of 20 men (or 10,000 mice, according to Wikipedia. I feel bad for whoever had to fact-check that last bit).
This curare plant paralyzes your respiratory system but keeps your heart beating so that you suffocate to death while staying conscious until the last seconds. That’s some serious Saw shit.
So it’s really anyone’s guess what other toothy, clawy, poisony deathbeast is just chilling in there, waiting to gobble you up.
Just thangs killin’ thangs left, right, and backwards.
Remember that time you saw a spider in your apartment and you thought, “This is too much nature”? This guy WISHES all he had in his house were spiders.
And he couldn’t give a fuck about it, honestly.