A 34-year-old Minnesota man has been arrested for jerking off into a coworker’s coffee cup because he had a crush on her.
CBS Minnesota reports that John R. Lind of Beisswenger’s hardware store in New Brighton admitted to ejaculating into the woman’s coffee twice and onto her desk another four times since last February, wiping away most of his semen with one of her hair scrunchies.
The woman called the police on August 26 when she walked in on Lind standing in front of her desk with his hands near his groin and a “deer in the headlights” look.
Lind then raced out of the room only to return a few seconds later, telling his crush that he had a question but forgot what it was.
She saw liquid dripping from her desk onto the floor.
Lind told police he knew that what he did was “gross and wrong” and that his coworker was the only person he had ever done such things to.
The coworker recalled her coffee had tasted off many more times than twice over the recent months, but had attributed it to spoiled cream.
When police informed her of the real culprit, however, she quickly replied “I knew it.”
The woman also said she was considering filing harassment charges due to the amount of times Lind had attempted to start conversations with her with his fly open.
Lind has been charged with two counts of criminal sexual conduct and could go to jail for up to a year and face a $4,500 fine.