“Mother may I take a shot?” “Yes you may!”
Chris Ritter / BuzzFeed
Old game: Two teams of people stand in parallel lines holding hands. Each team takes turns choosing the supposedly scrawniest player and then singing “Red Rover, Red Rover, Send [selected weakling] right over!” The chosen runt runs really fast towards them trying the break the grasp of two players hands until someone inevitably sprains a wrist and the game is officially banned from the playground.
New game: Same, but with drunk people. If you don’t make it through the chain, DRANK.
Old game: Players take turns being the leader and throwing a basketball into the hoop in various ways. Once the leader makes a shot, the second player must copy the same distance/posture/etc. and try to make the same shot. For each miss, the player gets a letter starting with H then O then R and so forth. The first player who gets HORSE loses.
New game: You’ll be surprised how much easier it is to shoot a weird free-throw after a few. But see how long it takes before you forget how to spell HORSE. Or what a horse even is.
Old rules: A number of chairs that is one less than the number of players is set up in a room. While music is played, players must walk around the chairs until the music stops, at which point they all scramble to get a seat. The person without a seat is out and one chair is removed until there is one chair, two players and one final winner.
New rules: This is already played at every bar and party ever (only with, hopefully, better music). Might as well make it official and let people know that you will fight them for the last available stool.
Chris Ritter / BuzzFeed
Old game: Seven players from a group are chosen to go to the front of the room. Sitting players put their heads down and thumbs up. The chosen ones walk around the room and touch the thumb of one player. When seven thumbs have been touched the selected seated players have to try to guess which chosen one tapped their thumb. If they guess correctly, they get to be a chooser. Everyone cheats.
New game: Make it a 7&7up. If you don’t guess your picker, you drink. Everyone cheats.
Old game: Players designate four “corners” with numbers or colors. A “counter” is selected and counts to 10, then calls out one of the corners without looking. Players in that corner are out. When four or fewer players are left, everyone has to go to separate corners until there is one winner left.
New game: Games with absolutely no skill involved are even better and more enraging while intoxicated. Same rules, except the lucky people who are out get to go back to their drinks.
Old game: Players sit in a circle. The “picker” (or “ducker”) walks around the circle tapping everyone on the head, calling each a “duck” until they pick one to be the “goose.” The goose has to chase the picker, trying to tag them before they get back to the empty spot. If the picker makes it back to the seat, the goose becomes the next picker. Sometimes a “mush pot” is included, where the losing picker has to sit until another picker loses and takes their place.
New game: Same rules except every “picker” puts a little bit of their drink in the “mush put” which is a cup that the losing pickers have to drink from.
Alternately, the picker goes around the room tapping everyone on the head until they find the goose, who then has to buy a round of Grey Goose for the room.
Old rules: One player is chosen to be the caller, other players stand a good distance away from them. While facing away from the line of players, the caller says “green light” and the players move closer to the caller until they say “red light” at which point they freeze. The caller turns around as they say “red light” and if they catch anyone still moving that player goes back to the starting point. The first player to reach the caller wins.
New rules: Same, but with drunk people. Staying perfectly still while smashed is much harder than it seems.
Old rules: “Simon” makes various ridiculous and humiliating demands by barking out “Simon Says (insert weird action).” Players are legally obligated to perform all actions that are preceded by “Simon Says” but if Simon tries to trick them by saying a command without that preface, and they fall for the cruel trick, they are out.
New rules: “Simon says do a shot of Jaeger.” “Simon says shotgun a beer.” “Simon says jump up and down.” “Now throw up.” *everyone loses*
Old rules: This is basically the matriarchal version of Simon Says and Red Light Green Light combined except instead of entrapment the Mother is trying to get the players to move towards her by answering whether or not they can take a certain number of steps.
New rules: “Mother May I put my beer down?” “No you may not!”
Old rules: Players sit in a line or circle. One person whispers a sentence or phrase into the ear of the player next to them. That player whispers whatever they heard to the next person and so on until the last player says the phrase out loud, which is usually something nonsensical and unrelated to the original statement. It’s like IRL autocorrect.
New rules: Same, except players are seated in order of intoxication with the drunkest person as the originator. Whatever garbled nonsense they say in the beginning will become something more coherant by the last sober person.
Old rules: This isn’t so much of a game as an activity where players stand in a circle around a giant circular cloth and lift it up high enough to sit under it and then just keep sitting there. Sometimes tag is involved. Somehow teachers made this seem like one of the coolest games.
New rules: On second thought, being under a hot blanket with lots of drunk people and not a lot of oxygen sounds horrible. This is probably better when you’re high.