With the exception of an injured Rajon Rondo, the only thing recognizable about the Boston Celtics this season are their iconic green and white uniforms. During a fire sale offseason, they got rid of Doc Rivers, Paul Pierce, and Kevin Garnett. They’re a shell of the franchise that has been competing for NBA Championship titles for the past half decade. Now two of the most prominent faces of the Celtics are Jeff Green and wunderkind coach Brad Stevens.
Last night, the Boston Celtics earned their first win of the season against the winless Utah Jazz. It was the first win of Brad Stevens’ NBA coaching career. After the final buzzer sounded, Green went to congratulate Stevens and awkward happened.
Let’s break down this tasty morsel of cringeworthy gracelessness.
Brad “Boss” Stevens is walking off the court basking in the glory of his first, of (hopefully) many, victories as the head coach of the most revered franchise in the NBA when his leading scorer comes over to give him daps. The only problem is Boss Brad isn’t paying attention because visions of championship banners are dancing in his head. It appears he was originally just going to pat Green on his stomach or the side and at the last possible moment he goes for the high-five — and misses.
After the botched high-five, Green immediately tries to salvage the error with a quick bro hug. This would have been a great idea, except Stevens was having NONE of it. Brad’s idea to avoid more awkwardness was to act as though the missed high-five never happened. He turns to acknowledge another Celtics player instead. This results in even more awkwardness.
Then, out of nowhere, MarShon Brooks walks by and snipes a quick ass slap. Boss Brad suddenly gets attacked from all angles and is clueless as to how to approach the situation.
Now we’re entering critical awkward territory. Following the ass slap, Stevens reverts into dead-fish mode as Green lingers — trying his damnedest to make this fucking hug happen — but alas, it is not to be. Green slinks off into the Boston night.
Reserve guard Keith Bogans wanders into view and gives the embarrassed couple some quick side-eye, as if he just walked in on his parents doing it. Bogans quickly recovers and offers what appear to be congratulatory daps to his head coach — thus cementing this occasion’s place in the awkward history hall of fame.