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21 Things You Learn When You Move To London

Moving to the capital takes some getting used to, so here’s a handy run-down of some very important London life-lessons.

1. If you cross at the zebra crossing before all the incoming cars have stopped for you, there’s a 90% chance you’re about to become a hit-and-run victim

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You can’t say you’ve lived in London until you’ve nearly been run over by a truck breaking the sound barrier.

2. Your expectations for where you live get progressively smaller

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…as does where you live.

3. Drunk-You will materialise more often than you anticipate

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Apparently everyone in London goes out straight after work and drinks a bottle of wine each on an empty stomach.

4. You’ll find out that Drunk-You is impressively adept at getting around

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Especially when you go out across down (a.k.a. hours from home) and then wake up the next morning in your bed with no memory of anything post-9pm.

5. If attractive people approach you on the street it is highly likely that they’re selling something

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Warner Bros. / Via media.giphy.com

Do not stop and flirt with that fitty who just told you that your hair’s looking great (I mean, of course it is though, right?): they will trap you with their words!

6. Don’t always fear expensive drinks

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It may cost £8.50 for one drink, but in some places one drink = one big glass of whisky with a dribble of mixer.

7. When experiencing #6, don’t drink said drink like it was a normal single

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Or you’ll find it’s just hit 11pm and you keep raving incoherently at strangers about the sofa shaped like a pair of lips.

8. You will fall asleep on the tube

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But you will get practiced enough to wake just before your stop.

9. Say no to Covent Garden

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Unless you fashion yourself some sort of plow, or at least a gumshield, to get through the crowds unscathed. Same applies for Oxford Street, Leicester Square, an Soho on a Saturday night.

10. If someone outside a tube station asks for a light, they will probably offer a magic trick (that is supposed to prove the existence of God) in exchange

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CBS / Via media.giphy.com

Sadly they are usually not as handsome and have markedly fewer teeth than Barney Stinson.

11. Buying drinks anywhere but London will feel incredible

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tumblr.com / Via London Grumblr

“£3.50 for a pint of Fosters? This is the best value pub in the world!”

12. Strangers must never break the no-talking rule

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Whilst shrieking and running when someone approaches you on the street is arguably quite rude, it’s probably the safest thing to do. Sorry, tourists who need directions.

13. You’re not cool enough for Dalston

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Deal with it.

14. Estate agents are the devil

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AVOID AT ALL COSTS.

15. There is nothing more satisfying than “driving” the DLR

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Elbows at the ready, there are teens to beat out for this!

16. …except for maybe that moment when someone asks for directions and you actually know the answer

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“Oxford Circus? Why yes I do know where that is! (That way, isn’t it? Is it? Can I look at your map? Where are we now?)”

17. You start to develop your own rush-hour crushes

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Sometimes a cramped tube isn’t so bad.

18. Which become frustrating on the days where you don’t get your morning eye candy

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19. Everyone not in London will bad-mouth London

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OK, fine, it’s a sucking cess-pool of cut-throat capitalism where the poor are brutalised and everyone is stepped on by the wealthy and corrupt elite, but I’m quite enjoying it thanks.

20. Everyone in London will bad-mouth London

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giphy.com / Via Giphy

“I honestly don’t resent spending £1000 a month on a mould-infested one-room hovel 45 minutes from central London. I don’t I don’t I don’t.”

21. And yet, you can’t imagine yourself anywhere else

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Just instead of grass and mountains there’s smog and high rises.

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/hlspencer47/21-things-you-learn-when-you-move-to-london-i70z


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